


Ten Minute Tales

by lalochezia (topsicles)



Category: Undertale (Video Game), ジョジョの奇妙な冒険 | JoJo no Kimyou na Bouken | JoJo's Bizarre Adventure
Genre: Gen, Twitter request
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-29
Updated: 2015-12-29
Packaged: 2018-05-10 02:36:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,630
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5566015
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/topsicles/pseuds/lalochezia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>These are a bunch of drabbles I did of requested ships.  It's a mixed bag. with questionable capitalization.  The catch for all of these is that I had only ten minutes to write them before I posted them and this is a compilation of them.<br/><b>Please don't take these seriously, because all of these are jokes.</b></p>
            </blockquote>





	Ten Minute Tales

**Author's Note:**

> !!Important!!  
>  To go to a specific ship, hit Cntrl+F and enter the code of the ship to go directly to it.  
> [ALPHUND]  
> [JOSUYASU]  
> [FUGONARA]  
> [DIOPUCCI]  
> [SANTAWAM]  
> [DIADOP]  
> [SPEEDJO]  
> [KIRASHIN]  
> [YOTSUBIN]

[JOSUYASU]

okuyasu and josuke were eating lunch in the courtyard outside their class, with koichi setting if it really /was/ rohan hiding behind a tree. josuke's mother made enough lunch for all of them to share so they did.  
“bro bet you i can fit this entire stuffed rice ball in my mouth”  
“dude don't do it”  
“bro watch”  
the force he used to shove the rice ball made him swallow it wrong and he was choking seconds later.  
“BRO I TOLD YOU!!” josuke got behind him and tried to do the heimlich maneuver but when koichi came back to tell them that rohan was stalking them again, it looked like they were dry humping like wild animals.  
“whoa guys that's super gay”  
he ran to get a school administrator and everyone got detention.  
the end

[ALPHUND]

on a day where mettaton wasn't making alphys mold him a bigger, better butt for his new body, undyne interrupted alphys’ essential anime watching break.  
“self aiming spears /when/??”  
“never?? that's not scientific. we’ve been over this, undyne.”  
“what isn't scientific about killing more humans faster and accurately?”  
“uh…literally everything?”  
“why? i'll pay you in two smooches and a riveting tale of human legend.”  
alphys briefly considered this offer but shook her head.  
“i thought we were going to smooch anyway…?”  
the ruse was up and undyne was caught. as good a warrior she was, it was hard for her to trick people, especially her girlfriend.  
“...how ‘bout we watch this DVD together and you tell me that legend later instead?”  
“i’ll make the popcorn.”  
“just don't burn my lab down.”

[SANTAWAM]

one night santana was laying in a tide pool watching the stars when wham came over to him from across the dark beach. he watched him soak for a few long moments, eyes feasting on the bare beef before him. it took a few minutes before he remembered why he came over in the first place and cleared his throat awkwardly. santana sat up and made no effort to cover himself.  
“is it inappropriate for us for our rods to kiss?”  
santana shrugged. he wasn't too sure what their rods were even for since kars never spoke about it. he figured that the one with the biggest rod was the leader so naturally it was esidisi.  
“do you /want/ our rods to kiss?”  
“it would be a curious feeling.”  
after santana made room for him, wham squeezed into the tidepool.  
he curiously looked between santana's legs and slid his hands up the smooth skin of his thighs, overcome with a feeling kars told him to use in battle. but this wasn't a fight. it was very different.  
when their meat rods touched, santana gave him a lost look.  
“this is wrong. kiss me on the mouth. I want to know what it's like.”  
wham's lips pressed against santana's and his hand wrapped around their wands. it was weird, but wonderful. this would be their secret.

 

[DIOPUCCI]

when dio broke into a church he just wanted a nap and some goddamned air conditioning because the Louisiana summer made him smell like a corpse. instead he got some whiny priest in training giving him a starry eyed look after he healed his foot so he'd leave him alone faster.  
“can you speak? or has your language devolved into guttural moans of confusion? i thought americans spoke english.”  
“i can speak. am i /really/ supposed to believe that you're allergic to the sun because that's some bullshit, fam.”  
dio shrugged. “believe what you wish.”  
“don't take anything. peace.”  
...did that brat really just resist him? dio was greatly annoyed but would try again later.  
after the sun set, he was visited again by the priest in training. he seemed to be done with chores and wanted to know more about dip.  
“you have a name?”  
“dio.”  
“i'm enrico. we should get gumbo if you're new in town. i know just about everyone here.”  
“gum...bo? is this what humans eat now? i only consume blood but i could try this dish.” the confusion and disgust for strange new foods was strong but dio tried to keep an open mind if it meant he could use this boy to his advantage.  
stay tuned for the thrilling conclusion

[DIADOP]

“boss?? it’s me doppio…” the melting ice cream was seeping into doppio’s ear but he was going to listen to his boss’ every word. sure he was getting some weird looks. sure, a woman swept her child away from the man that looked like he tore apart his clothes with scissors and did his hair in a wind tunnel.  
“listen closely.” there was a chuckle that was forced down on the other end. “i need you to take the popsicle that kid left behind… and stick it up your butt until it melts. this is very important. can you do this for me?”  
doppio didn’t understand why, but agreed. “y-yeah of course boss. i’ll do it just for you.”  
“good. go to a place you can do it without getting arrested. i’ll wait.”  
after a few minutes of doppio shuffling around to find an alley, there was the subtle jingle of pants being lowered and the shuddering gasp of something freezing cold and /melting/ being forced into an orifice.  
“boss this is c-c-cold and it hurts…”  
“keep going. it has to melt.”  
there was a soft schlick of the popsicle being stuffed in further until a small noise sounded. was it from doppio? or was a cat dying nearby?  
“i-it’s all the way in boss…”  
“good job. and now you need to-”  
the phone cut off and there was nothing but a soggy ice cream cone shoved in doppio’s ear with a popsicle melting inside of him.  
and then it rang.

[SPEEDJO]

“i say jonathan, these scones are quite delicious.” speedwagon crunched into another one after demolishing the one in his hand and jonathan nodded.  
“yes i agree! i wonder from what they are made. parlor maiden! Zexpose your recipe.”  
“well sir, there’s a bit o’ flour, some sugar, butter, and a few vials of freshly farmed blood given to me by mister dio himself… he insisted that i do it!”  
the look on jonathan’s face was one of terror and surprise.  
“dIO!!”  
speedwagon coughed and tried to make himself vomit up what he’d eaten but the transformation was already happening. he gasped and cried out while jonathan tried to reverse this bizarre happening with hamon but it was no use.  
in the span of a couple fratic minutes, speedwagon had become even musclbound, his hair even longer and blonder and when he moved his arm his shirt ripped off.  
now he was speefbeef.

[KIRASHIN]

kira walked into the house he technically stole.  
kisses the wife he technically stole in front of a son that hates him and doesn't think he's his father.  
"dad why are you being so nice to my mom"  
"because, child. leave us be."  
"but mom he doesn't even-"  
"sHUT UP BOY I SAID GO"  
"don't yell at our son like that"  
"i'm sorry what? i didn't know hands could talk"  
"oh husband let's have another child i love it when ur mean"  
"ew im gone" hayato bails and kira ropes shinobu into a kiss then goes for the hands. they're soft and pale like she its. and she gives good handjobs which is a bonus. he put the meat in the roast beef curtains  
leaves the mayo  
many babie and hayato stll super duper hates kira but can't prove he's not his dad  
the end

[FUGONARA]

“okay so if x equals fifteen what’s the sum of x divided by five?” narancia gave him a blank look then shrugged, going back to his drawing on the graph paper he was supposed to be doing work on. fugo insisted that he try to teach him how to do math but narancia just wanted to write horrible rap lyrics and draw dicks.  
“look at what i drew” he held up his drawing and laughed. “it’s your dick.”  
to which fugo replied “dude what the fuck” and slid it through one of the holes in his pants.  
“does it really look like that”  
“it’s swiss cheese like the rest of you. look at those spots.”  
fugo looked and was Confuse until he saw big red spots on his cheese stick.  
“i think i need to go to the hospital”  
“i’m driving”  
the end

[YOTSUBIN]

on a rainy friday afternoon, yotsuyu was doing Very Important Architect Things like spinning around in his office chair and taking selfies w his lunch then he got a message.  
>we smashin tonight or nah  
>What the fuck Jobin I'm still working.  
>we smashin tonight  
>or nah  
>Ask me again and the answer is no ._.  
>everyones gonna be gon  
>just u and me  
>so  
>...  
>r u still salty abt the eye thing  
>i said i was sorry  
>babe??  
yotsuyu silently decided that if jobin wasn't so hot and such a good fuck, he would have stopped seeing him months ago. with a sigh he started his essay on why yes, he was still salty about the eye thing.  
>Look, there's literally nothing okay with licking my eyeball without my permission!!  
>You didn't even ask me first you just went for it what the fuck??  
>Yeah I'm still mad about it!  
>Then you wanted me to blow you like nothing happened!  
>babe  
>/babe/  
>i kno ur mad but listen  
>licking ur eye gave me the biggest boner of my life like real talk  
>biggest boner ever  
>im sorry ok ill ask before i do weird shit next time  
>...I have a lot of work to do. I'll call you later.  
>love you?  
>I love you too but you need to stop. >:(

**Author's Note:**

> If you enjoyed, feel free to leave a review.


End file.
